I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize