Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
