I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
