Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
