how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
