the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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