can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
