im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
