Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize