the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
