I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
