Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
