he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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