Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
