I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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