Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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