The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
