it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
