Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
