singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
