I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He shit in the fireplace
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