PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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