i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
