I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
