i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
