i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
