Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
