She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
