My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
