And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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