I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize