Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
