So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
