We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
