don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think i have two assholes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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