what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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