I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
