dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
