I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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