its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
