AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I party with great urgency now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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