Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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