just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
