Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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