You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
