I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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