She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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