I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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