Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
