Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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