The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no you cant smoke seaweed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think my moral compass just broke
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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