My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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