Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
