shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize