Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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