I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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