is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
