Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
