This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
